A Trip To Oblivion
by Anna Raffaella
Summary: The Super Character Of The World is the most elitist award show in the fictional world. And the Death note characters have been nominated for almost about every category. Most of them won. A trip to oblivion. *coughs* I'm sorry, Bolivia. - CRACK -
1. Prologue

**SUMMARY:** The Super Character Of The World is the most elitist award show in the fictional world. And the Death note characters have been nominated for almost about every category. Most of them won. Most of them were sent to a private jet, headed towards a luxurious vacation in oblivion. -coughs- I'm sorry, Bolivia.

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own, you no sue. After all, if I did own Death Note, everything you are about to read would be canon. So yeah.

**RATING:** T (maybe, what's the average raiting for crack?)

**WARNINGS:** Probably spoilers for every single episode, implied yaoi featuring every pairing in the book, focused mainly on the ever populars M&M and L&L.

* * *

**A Trip To Oblivion**

**Prologue**

The blonde, sexy, busty hostess smiled, while twirling a yellow envelope in her perfectly manicured hands.

"And the Best Vilain nominees are... Light Yagami."

A thundering applause filled the room. A huge photograph of the first and original Kira showed up on the gigantic monitor. Then, a number of clips.

"Mr. Yagami was nominated by our fans... quoting "because he takes potato chips and eats them", "because he writes epically" and "because he has the cutest laugh". Aww."

Right in the front row of red velvet seats, Light Yagami bowed his head, acknowledging his popularity.

"The second nominee is Mello...

"YAY!!"

The hostess paused her presentation, only to look at a tall, stripy figure on the second row, waving a huge flag right above Light Yagami's face. Besides stripy, he was also very jumpy. And noisy. As, in fact, was his whole row. On his right side, a not-so-excited L played a huge multicolored guitar, and on his left, Near sat in his normally odd position, lighting fireworks from time to time.

The camera focused on the flag for a split second.

"Go-Happy-Go-Wammy-GO!"

Mello was probably loving all that attention. Except... he was nowhere to be seen.

The hostess rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Let's just skip to the third nominee, shall we? Ladies in gentlemen, please applaud... Teru Mikami!"

"Sakujo, bitch!" – the stripy figure yelled, yet again.

"Mr. Jeevas, please respect your co-workers."

"He's not my co-worker, he's a serial sakujer! And a potential rapis..." – a gloved hand covered his mouth, and it definitively did not belong to a certain skinny blonde. No, it belonged to a giant gorilla. Sort of speak.

Matt was dragged out of the room, causing many fan girls and the occasional fan boy to drool, faint or shoot smoke bombs.

The hostess blinked attractively, capturing all the camera attention, yet again.

"And the winner is..."

In the front row, a nervous black haired lawyer raised his eyes to the stage.

"Kami?"

"MIKAMI!"

The same black-haired lawyer cocked his head to the side lightly.

"No Kami?"

L opened his arms to the sky, obviously delighted, dropping the gigantic pink lollipop he had been... eating?

"No KAMI, no KIRA! I'm going on VACATION!"

Light crossed his legs elegantly, ignoring L with every inch of classiness he could muster.

"Mr. Mikami, please, come over here to receive your award."

He did. He actually found it very complicated to hold such a big, so he just put it down, and stopped by the microphone to say a few words.

He was interrupted by another fan girl.

"Mikami, I LOVE YOU! You are so sexaaaaayyyyyy! You are such a..." – the gorilla came back, moving his fists in a threatening way. – "...such a fine gentleman and... and you have the most amazing sense of justice I've ever seen."

Mikami smiled, tears in his eyes.

"Thank you, fan girl."

The hostess pushed him off the stage. Smiling again, showing her pearly white teeth, she posed like a wannabe model, and the curtains closed.

Silence.

"There is a 97 percent chance that we must clap our hands now."

* * *

**AN -** Bahaha, this is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever written in my whole life. I like it, though. Be nice, R&R, worship me... you know, the usual stuff. :D Have fun!


	2. The Suitcase Case

**SUMMARY:** The Super Character Of The World is the most elitist award show in the fictional world. And the Death note characters have been nominated for almost about every category. Most of them won. Most of them were sent to a private jet, headed towards a luxurious vacation in oblivion. -coughs- I'm sorry, Bolivia.

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own, you no sue. After all, if I did own Death Note, everything you are about to read would be canon. So yeah.

**RATING:** T (maybe, what's the average raiting for crack?)

**WARNINGS:** Probably spoilers for every single episode, implied yaoi featuring every pairing in the book, focused mainly on the ever populars M&M and L&L.

* * *

**Big thankies (and reviewer cookies) go to:**

- nomnompanic - YAY! Slash buddy, you are here! Yes, Mikami thanked you. How did you like your first cameo appearance?

- Kiana Kisses - Poor Matty, right? I'm started to realise it's all his fault.

- Xx Trinity xX - Thank you for your funny, encouraging review. Yes, I'll hand over more awards. :D

- I Brake For Bishounen Boys - Here's the update, see how nice I am? :D And yup, Light is PURE EVIL in its human form.

* * *

**A Trip To Oblivion**

**The Suitcase case**

So, Mikami's prize ended up being... well, a little statue, duh.

And a trip to Bolivia.

The dark-haired lawyer, with his magnificent sense of justice, decided it wasn't fair for the rest of the cast to go on vacation alone. Therefore, he picked up his Death Note and threatened the rich people who had arranged the trip.

The result?

"Bo-livia, Bo-livia, Bo-Bo-Bolivia, YAY!" – Misa sang, not raising her eyes from her impeccably well done nails.

She was practically camping in the middle of the airport, sitting on top of one of her three suitcases, legs crossed, magnificent in her Lolita outfit. Mikami was having the fun of his life walking in perfect circles around her, while Light acted like his usual stoic self, probably posing for some invisible paparazzi.

"They are late. The Wammy's are late."

Mikami checked his watch.

"Twenty-three minutes and forty-six seconds now."

"Misa-Misa doesn't mind. Actually, if she was a Wammy, she would be late too. The way they treated poor Matty-Boo yesterday..."

"Matty-Boo?"

"Well yes, Misa-Misa can't call him Matt-Matt."

Light buried his face in his hands, desperate, asking himself where the hell Takada was when he needed her smartness.

Four distinctive voices woke him up from his daydream.

Raising his eyes, he couldn't believe it. He just couldn't.

L had two luminous signs on his hands. A red one, and a green one. Green meant than Matt and Mello had to put their nearly inexistent muscles to work, and push Near's gigantic suitcase (Near's small wardrobe, maybe?) all the way through the doors of the airport. Red meant they had to stop, because they had just accidentally smashed... Matsuda?

Mello dropped his arms abruptly, causing the pressure of the suitcase to increase on Matt's side.

"Is he okay?"

The redhead said something incoherently stupid.

"Is that important?" – Near asked, twirling his hair between his fingers.

L smiled.

"It's very important. If we manage to liberate Matsuda from the... suitcase... we can kindly force him to help us!"

Matt raised both his arms, letting go of the suitcase.

"Yes! That's brilliant! Bri..."

The suitcase fell right on top of him. Quite obviously, it all happened in slow motion, so Mello could have the time to scream "NOOOO!!" and try to push Matt away.

Bad luck.

He wasn't fast enough.

L rested his finger on his lower lip.

"Hmm. Matsuda and Matt and Mello are all under the suitcase now. I'd say there's an 84 percent chance that there is no one else to help us."

A heroic scream echoed through the walls, and less than five seconds later, Mikami was standing near the suitcase.

"I see people in the need for some help! And, as I am X Kira, I will help!"

The Imperial March started playing, and Mikami lifted the suitcase with just one hand.

"Oh my god, is that Superman? Batman? A plane? A bird? No it's Mikami!" – some girl screamed, automatically going into Fangirl Mode.

The photographers showed up from apparently nowhere, stepped on Matsuda and broke Matt's goggles.

Mikami smiled, movie-star-like, and they all lived happily ever after.

* * *

Three hours later, on the plane

"Chocolate... please, chocolate... chocol..."

Mello was hallucinating, tossing his head from side to side, while pressing a steak firmly against his eye.

Sitting by his right side, Matt was playing Ultimate Princess Dress-up without even looking at his PSP. Well, he couldn't look even if he wanted too. Misa had insisted for him to wear one of her sleeping masks, because his eyes would be too sensitive to the light without his loyal goggles.

Matsuda was playing with Near's robots... while ignoring Near. The Suitcase Case, as it was now addressed by L, hadn't bothered him much.

On the front seats, Mikami was waving his hands epically, ranting and ranting about the way he had lifted the suitcase, and how that would have made his mother happy.

Light nodded from time to time, not paying the tiniest bit of attention, while reading Utter Evilness For Dummies.

Misa was doing her nails again. After all, The Suitcase Case had ruined them. Not that she had actually moved an inch from her improvised seat. She hadn't. But she was absolutely traumatized, therefore, she HAD to do her nails. Period.

"Mello-kun?" – she called.

"Chocola... huh, what?"

"What was inside that suitcase?"

"Near's toys and..."

"Didn't you bring any clothing?"

Near raised his eyes, joining the conversation.

"Mello and Matt were kind enough to let me use their clothes to envelop my toys."

"To envelop your toys?"

"Of course. Otherwise the robots would chip pieces of the Action Men."

Light's head lifted instantly.

"Did someone say chip?"

"I didn't mean takeable eatable chips."

"Oh. Never mind, then."

"Did someone bring a snake?" – L asked, out of nowhere.

"What do you need a snake for?" – Matt asked, eyes still hidden behind Misa's mask.

"I don't need a snake, Matt. I just happened to find one... and I'm trying to decide if there's any chance it belongs to one of you."

Light dropped his book, Mikami dropped his ego, Mello dropped his steak, and Misa dropped her nail polish. A red stain started spreading on the floor. She hurriedly took the polish remover from her purse and started cleaning everything up.

In the meantime, Mello was still trying to assimilate the information.

"You found a snake? On a plane?" – he screamed, terrified, instantly throwing his arms around Matt.

The redhead jumped from his seat, unable to take off Misa's mask, thinking it was actually a snake and not a blonde boy in shiny leather.

His cigarette dropped from his mouth, right on Misa's polish remover, triggering some unknown chemical reaction.

None of this happened in slow motion, because, let's face it, there was nothing Mello could do to stop it. The Imperial March didn't play either, because Mikami was looking for his glasses, therefore unable to save them all.

There was a big KABOOM! and then, the plane crashed.


	3. On Set

**SUMMARY:** The Super Character Of The World is the most elitist award show in the fictional world. And the Death note characters have been nominated for almost about every category. Most of them won. Most of them were sent to a private jet, headed towards a luxurious vacation in oblivion. -coughs- I'm sorry, Bolivia.

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own, you no sue. After all, if I did own Death Note, everything you are about to read would be canon. So yeah.

**RATING:** T (maybe, what's the average raiting for crack?)

**WARNINGS:** Probably spoilers for every single episode, implied yaoi featuring every pairing in the book, focused mainly on the ever populars M&M and L&L.

* * *

**A Trip To Oblivion**

**On Set**

"YAY, humans are so much fun!!"

Ryuk made a few headstands, hula-danced and laughed hysterically, hovering above the great amount of ruble that had once been a plane.

Humans were so fun. They always managed to do cool stuff like crashing planes into paradisiacal beaches without suffering consequences...

Oh, no, wait. They were probably all dead by now.

Still, Ryuk was confused.

After all, the shinigami must follow the owner of the Death Note everywhere he goes.

Those people had just died. So... that meant he was free, right? Free to spank Sidoh and scare little kids at carnivals... right? Free to cross-dress without getting weird looks from Light, right?

Oh, maybe the bastard wasn't dead after all.

"Heh, Raito?" – he poked Light's head with the tip of his foot. – "Heh, I've got chips!"

Light got up immediately, oblivious to the fact that he had just lived through a catastrophe.

"Chips? You mean... chips I can take and eat?"

Ryuk nodded, smiling widely and dumbly.

They heard the distinctive (yeah, because they're very familiar with it) sound of metal being moved, and soon after, a white head emerged from the former plane, aka current mess.

"Did you say chip? What happened? Did the gundam chip the other toys?" – Near sat up and looked around, disoriented, but not scared. He seemed to have found what he was looking for. Slowly, he got a long piece of metal and used the tip to gently push something that was lying a few feet away from him. – "See, Mello? I told you. In case the plane crashed, one layer of leather wouldn't be enough to protect my toys. You suck. No wonder you are number two."

Mello didn't bother to get up. He just dragged his fingers down his face, pulling at the skin, annoyed with the fact that the half of it that remained unburned was now covered in dust.

Oh, and he had a black eye too.

"Steaks are no good." – he stated, shifting to lay on his side.

"You should be a vegetarian." – Light stated, caressing his flat stomach. – "It's better for your health."

"I didn't eat the steak, you asshole."

"No wonder it's no good, then. You can't say you don't like it if you haven't tried it yet. Same with yaoi."

Another voice raised from the rubble.

"But weren't we talking about micro-chips?"

"No, Matt, we were talking about potato chips."

"L Number Two, I believe you are wrong. We were talking about chipping toys."

Mello tilted his head lightly, confused.

Matt raised his arm, still laying down on his back, as if he was asking for permission to speak.

"Where are we?"

Mello reached out and took the mask away from Matt's face. The redhead sat up and looked around, completely stunned.

"OMG, it's the set of Lost!"

The others frowned.

"Lost?"

"Yeah, ya know... that TV show where they're all on a plane, and then they crash, and they end up on a desert island, and there's this Tarzan-like guy, and a cute girl with freckles, and then they play "I Never"... oh, and there's a fat dude, too! And they all want to kill each other!" – Matt stopped abruptly, realizing the true implications of what he had just said. – "Oh. I'll just stop talking now."

Near nodded.

"Sounds good."

Mello crossed his arms.

"It's not a set, Matt."

"Oh, you mean it's the real thing, then?"

"Yup."

"Are we going to kill each other?

"Probably."

"And... and will we play "I Never"?"

Mello rolled his eyes.

"I've never played that."

L got up from wherever he had been laying, and stood up, his silhouette looking somewhat scary against the baby blue sky behind him.

"Mello, do you think it's time for playing right now? We must conjoin forces and find the others! There's a ninety percent chance that there's a lot of work to do, and a hundred percent chance you are not helping."

"What are you talking about, L? I've never played during work!"

"And you continue! Mello-chan, you suck. No wonder you are number two."

Mello seemed like he was about to burst into tears. Nevertheless, his despair didn't last for too long... Mikami raised from the ashes (literally), and broke the silence in his usually obsessive way.

"Oh, look, a shinigami!"

L fell from his spot, drowning in bits and pieces of metal, forgetting about the reason why Mello sucked, which was obviously stupid, and obviously, Matt's fault.

Yes, because there's a universal law, called Six Degrees Of Mattness, that says you can connect any negative 

event to Matt, in a maximum chain of six people and or things.

How odd.

Now back to the story.

L fell down and Matt laughed. Then, Near hit him with his stick, which caused him to roll all the way down the pile of rubble and face the terrible, the memorable, the Abominable Monster Of The Riffles! Also known, in the present case, as Misa.

She looked up, eyeliner running copiously down her cheeks, and smiled. The smile soon gave place to a high pitched scream... and a hug.

"Matty-boo! You found Misa-Misa!"

"Yes, yes, it's truly surprising..." – L stated, climbing his way back up on his feet. – "Now, we're only missing Matsuda."

Near looked up, playing with his hair.

"Who?"

Light rolled his eyes.

"You know, Matsuda... the idiot who tried to stop my fight with L while we were handcuffed."

"Oh. Indeed, an idiot."

"I'm listening, did you know that?"

They all looked around, hearing the voice, but not being able to tell where it was coming from.

"Matsuda-kun?"

L started walking in circles, lifting pieces of metal from time to time, in what resembled his definition of "looking" for Matsuda.

Matt and Misa looked they were about to start laughing uncontrollably, but still, they didn't say a word. Light started looking for his book among the rubble.

Mikami rested his elbows on a big metallic piece and started humming something like "Kami had a little lamb, little lamb, little...".

Mello breathed our sharply, realizing that his song even made a good deal of sense. After all, that's what they used to say in church... God, I'm your loyal lamb, save me! Hmm, maybe Mikami wasn't that stupid after all.

Near was quite entertained building pyramids with metal fragments. Suddenly, he seemed to remember he was, after all, the head of the SPK.

"Does anyone have a cell phone?"

"YES!" – they all answered, shoving their hands in their pockets, looking frantically for the little engines.

Matt took off his Sidekick and watched sadly as it broke into pieces right in front of his eyes. The others obtained similar results.

"I meant working, non-destroyed cell phones."

"I've got one." – Mello stated.

Near chuckled.

"Right. And where am I supposed to believe you're keeping it?

"Down his crotch, obviously." – Matt answered, extremely proud of himself.

"There's an eighty-six percent chance that the only thing Mello can fit in his pants is a credit card."

Near got up and started going down the pile of rubble, careful not to hurt himself or anyone else.

"There's an even bigger chance that I'm not using something that has been shoved down Mello's pants."

"Haha, poor you, then."

"Shall I remind you all we still haven't found Matsuda?"

"Aww, poor Matsuy..." – Misa said, pitiful. She got up from her almost embarrassing position by Matt's side, and followed Near down the pile.

"Oh, look, Misa's wearing a thong!" – Mello screamed, scaring a few, surprising them all.

Matsuda's head burst out of nowhere.

"OMG, really?"

Mello smirked, in Light's "Just-As-Planned" kind of way, and laid back again, arms above his head, like he was actually trying to sunbathe on top of a destroyed plane.

"And that's how we do things in L.A."

Mikami gave him a thumbs up.

* * *

**AN -** I know, this chapter is the most realistic thing around... after all, the DN cast survived a plane crash. BUT, I shall remind you, they're from a show called DEATH Note, so I guess they must be pretty used to all this by now. Also, if they had died... this fanfic wouldn't be funny anymore. I'd have to write about a lobster.

* * *

**ON THE NEXT CHAPTER:** Mikami shows off his ah-mazing cooking skills.


	4. Fast Food

**SUMMARY:** The Super Character Of The World is the most elitist award show in the fictional world. And the Death note characters have been nominated for almost about every category. Most of them won. Most of them were sent to a private jet, headed towards a luxurious vacation in oblivion. -coughs- I'm sorry, Bolivia.

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own, you no sue. After all, if I did own Death Note, everything you are about to read would be canon. So yeah.

**RATING:** T (maybe, what's the average raiting for crack?)

**WARNINGS:** Probably spoilers for every single episode, implied yaoi featuring every pairing in the book, focused mainly on the ever populars M&M and L&L.

* * *

**A Trip To Oblivion**

**Fast Food**

After two hours, a few fights and some sexual abuse that shall not be documented here, they all made it down the pile of rubble, aka destroyed plane, aka current mess.

The first thing Matt did when he reached the beach was making sure the water was salty. It was. Ah! That proved they weren't in the Lost set, but on a real island with a real ocean!

Br00tal.

L sat down on the sand, thumb resting on his lips, as usual. He was obviously planning a way out of the situation.

"I've reached a conclusion."

Misa sat by his side, obviously interested.

"Yes? Misa-Misa wants to hear."

"We are stuck in a desert island with no food besides..." – he took a lollipop from the pocket of his jeans. – "... this. And probably one of two of Mello's chocolate bars."

Misa dug a hole in the sand and hid inside, mumbling something in the lines of "Oh, fattening food!".

L shrugged, ignoring her, and shoved the lollipop inside his mouth. A few seconds later, a frustrated scream echoed through their ears.

"Arghh! I've got no more chocolate left! Damn it!" – Mello started walking around in circles, ignoring Matt and his fascination for salty water.

L rolled his eyes.

"Correction. We are stuck in a desert island with no food."

Light's eyes looked they were going to jump out of his orbits.

"No chips?"

"No apples?"

Mikami jumped back.

"It's the shinigami again!"

L had his usual reaction, ended up in the same hole as Misa, and Mello slow motioned the whole thing so he could try and shoot Ryuk.

It was no use.

Back to normal speed, Mello opened his gun, realizing there were no more bullets left. Damn. Now that was destroying his plan of holding Mikami as a hostage until he could trade him for chocolate.

Matsuda sat down too, hands behind his back to support his weight in a comfortable position.

"So, we have no food?"

"That's what I said." – L confirmed.

"Hmm, we'll have to turn into cannibals."

Mikami got up, and raised his fist like he was defying some supernatural force.

"Or we can hunt!"

Matt rolled his eyes.

"Or we can turn into cannibals." – he pointed at a certain blonde in leather. – "I'll eat him."

Mello smiled.

"Wouldn't you like to. No, I suggest we eat L first, because he probably tastes like sweets."

Light nodded.

"Agreed."

"Agreed, we should eat him, or agreed, he probably tastes like sweets?"

Mello seemed to be taking control of the situation.

Light blushed almost unnoticeably.

Misa left her hole, slightly intimidated.

"Mello-kun... can we find an alternative menu for Misa-Misa? She wouldn't want to get fat."

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"You can starve to death."

"Mello-Kun!" – she started crying, and walked away, disappearing into the forest of palm trees just a few feet ahead.

"Ah, now there's less of us to feed!"

Mikami sat cross-legged on the sand, picked up his day planner, where he hid some pages of the Death Note, and looked up at Mello.

"Okay, should we boil him or fry him?"

They all stared at each other for a moment.

"Fry?" – Matt tried.

"Fries ate unhealthy, Matt!" – Light informed. – "We should roast him."

Mikami smiled.

"Oh, good." – he rested the tip of his pen against the Death Note page. – "What's your name again?"

"L Lawliet."

"Hmm, how do you spell that?"

Light growled.

"Mikami, you have the eyes! The eyes, remember?"

"Well yes, Kami, but I have no glasses."

L smiled, triumphant.

"Therefore, he cannot read. What a shame. I guess we'll have to eat someone else for dinner. Like Yagami Raito."

Mikami smiled ever wider.

"Oh, I can spell that!" – he started writing senselessly, his pen firing red lasers all over the place. – "SAKUJ...!"

Light stopped him a second before he could write the last letter.

No one said a word.

Mello's phone rang less than a minute after.

"Hello? Yes. Yes. Yes. No. No. Undecided. No answer. Understood."

He hung up and looked at the others.

"Kira is on the loose."

L got up, ready to fight his nemesis.

"What do you mean, Mello, Kira is on the loose?"

"In Korea... a drag queen just died. His name was Yagami Rait."

Matt tilted his head to the side.

"Sounds familiar..."

Matsuda agreed.

"Yes, very familiar. Maybe a friend of ours."

L waved his hand, shutting them all up. Yes, because L is, in reality, a ninja.

"That can wait. Kira can wait. We have no food, remember?"

"L Number One..." – Near spoke for the first time since they had arrived at the beach. – "Shall I remind you that Mikami wrote a name on his day planner... maybe forty seconds before this all happened?

"Near, you are so naïve, he has a perfectly well explained alibi! He was writing Light's name. He could have never killed a drag queen in the meantime."

Mello and Matt nodded, at the exact same time.

"That makes a whole lot of sense."

"Yes, but why is Light still alive, then?" – Matsuda asked.

L threw away the little stick of his lollipop.

"Mikami-kun must be a poor speller." – he stretched his arm. – "Teru, please, hand me the note so I can correct your mistake."

Mikami looked as if he was willing to obey, but Light took the note away from him and threw it to somewhere behind his back, all of this in a split second.

"Oh. It flew away."

"That proves one of you is Kira!" – Mello stated. – "Because that's the real note, then! The Death Note flies, I've seen it myself!"

Matt laughed.

"Yes, if I can quite recall it... on that same night, you met a shinigami that loves chocolate, the Task Force invaded your Headquarters, killed all your people, and then you had an ultimate face-off with Light's father and blew up the place so no one could actually have the flying notebook."

Mikami laughed.

"HAHA, who would ever believe something like that?"

"I would." – Near stated. – "If he wanted to lie, he could have come up with a more believable story. Therefore, it's all true. Ligh-kun and Mikami-Kun are Kiras, the notebook just flew, and Mello got his scar in an explosion."

Matt crossed his arms.

"Pff. He got his scar because he miscalculated the temperature of his hair straightener."

Mello turned at him, a homicidal sparkle on his eyes.

"You shouldn't have said that, Matty-boo!" – he wrapped his hands around the redhead's neck and attempted to choke him.

Near got so bored with the whole situation that he eventually fell asleep.

No one knows what happened on that night.

* * *

**AN -** Hi everyone! Thanks for reading this far. Well, I'd like to inform you that this was the last of my pre-written chapters. I might, or might not, take a long time to update from now on. Be patient, please, and thank you again.


	5. Papercut

**SUMMARY:** The Super Character Of The World is the most elitist award show in the fictional world. And the Death note characters have been nominated for almost about every category. Most of them won. Most of them were sent to a private jet, headed towards a luxurious vacation in oblivion. -coughs- I'm sorry, Bolivia.

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own, you no sue. After all, if I did own Death Note, everything you are about to read would be canon. So yeah.

**RATING:** T (maybe, what's the average raiting for crack?)

**WARNINGS:** Probably spoilers for every single episode, implied yaoi featuring every pairing in the book, focused mainly on the ever populars M&M and L&L.

* * *

**A Trip To Oblivion**

**Papercut**

L bit his thumb.

"That is a serious problem, Mello-kun."

The blonde rested his head on his knees, arms hanging floppily by his sides.

"I know. No chocolate. Now what?"

"We should ask Near-chan to call SPK-sama. They could send some chocolate aboard their roflcopter."

Mello looked up, his blue eyes looking a tad bit... watery.

"Roflcopter?"

Near raised his hand.

"Like a helicopter, but funnier."

Mello faked a smile.

"Ha." – and let his head fall on his knees again.

Matt raised his hand too.

L stared.

"Yes, Matt?"

"If they're going to send the heliroflcopter... we can go back home, right?"

Mello raised his head like he was being maneuvered by a terribly uncoordinated puppet master.

"Shut up about home, Matt. I need my chocolate."

Matt bit his lip, trying to keep his laugh to himself.

"I don't think you're going to get any lucky." – he raised his head, only to make sure Near wasn't around anymore. – "Nia said he wouldn't touch your phone."

Mello stared at him from behind his fringe.

"Well, if he doesn't feel like making the call, we can just persuade him to tell us the number."

"Whoa, are you going to strip for him?"

L, who had been listening to the conversation all along, simply hit his forehead with his palm. And kept it there, one eye peeking from between his fingers.

"There's a 100 percent chance that..."

Matt's eyes looked huge.

"That what?"

"That Mello can call Halle and ask her for the roflcopter and the chocolate."

"She's not going to cooperate."

"Why?"

"Mello sneaked in her bathroom and pointed a gun at her the moment she left the shower."

"Why would Mello-kun do that?"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not listening!"

Matt raised his hands in absolute surrender.

"Alright, you won't hear another word from me."

"Good."

L restarted sucking on his thumb.

"So, Mello-kun, why did you point a gun at Halle?"

"None of your business, JUST FUCKING HELP ME!"

"You don't look like you need help."

"Well, I do! What am I supposed to do until... until the roflcopter arrives?"

"Assuming we can get the roflcopter, of course." – Matt added, smiling widely.

"Yes, of cour... OMG Matt, don't say that!"

"I suggest you keep your mouth and hands busy."

"Huh?"

"You asked what you were supposed to do unt..."

Mello shushed him and stared at the sky, taking a moment for reflection.

"Makes sense. Yes, it does. Great idea, Eru. Now..." – he looked around, sand, sea and palm trees. – "...let's find a way to do just that."

L's eyes moved from the blonde to the redhead by his side, then back to the blonde, then back to the redhead, then back to the blonde, until he got a headache and stopped.

"I see an obvious way."

Matt looked around, confused.

"For real? Because I don't." – he observed the beach once again. – "Wait... where is everyone?"

L pointed at some random spot.

"There."

The other two followed his direction.

A whole bunch of feet away from them, Mikami and Light stood tall, silhouettes against the rising sun, black notebooks in hand. What they were saying, if they were saying anything at all, was completely impossible to hear.

Nevertheless, they seemed to be having fun. Until the moment Mikami leaned a bit closer to Light. He didn't seem 

to like it. The black notebook was opened in an epic way. The pen was drawn from Kira-knows-where. Mikami fell to the floor.

And Light started running towards the three Wammy's, jumping a bit in the process, arms in the air, a crossover between a madwoman and a mental patient.

The moment he stopped, he straightened his back, smiled politely, and showed them the notebook.

"I'm not Kira or anything but..."

"Why do you have the Death Note then?" – Mello asked, raising his hand like Near had done less than a hour before.

Light turned the notebook so he could see the back cover. "PROPERTY OF THE JAPANESE POLICE. TOUCHERS WILL BE KIRA'D."

"Oh."

L got up.

"What were you saying, Raito-kun?"

"I found a new way to kill using the Death Note."

The three geniuses stared in absolute surprise.

"You... you did?"

"Oh yeah."

"What... what is it?"

Light smiled, in a "oh-I-thought-you'd-never-ask" kind of expression. He ripped a page of the notebook and held it in front of his face. Then, quicker than quick, he ran it across Mello's arm and smiled.

"Papercut."

* * *

**AN -** Done done. Sorry for the looooooooooong delay. And sorry for the lack of absolute crack on this chapter. I'm in more of a Mello-dramatic mood today... but this thing was killing my braincells, so I had to write it and post it. Thank you for reading. Also, I just posted a oneshot called "On The Outside Looking In". No crack, just thoughts. My thoughts on Mello's head, actually. If you have the time and patience... read it, kay? And tell me what you think. ;)


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